Holy shit, there's a move called "Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Undead"... I know what I'm doing for the next 85 minutes.  This is going to be terrible.

On the rare occasions that I have something important to write, I don't have time to write it.  And so it is today.  I finally starting working, so I have less time to waste on the internet.  It sucks, of course.  I suppose that's why they call it "working" and not "spending all day masturbating, watching sportscenter, and wasting time looking at funny pictures on the internet."

I feel bad about hating my job.  I've been so long without a real job that I should be happy for any opportunity I get.  And there are plenty of people willing to sneak into our country to worse jobs the mine.  I should realize that I can't make an informed judgement after a few days.  I should be happy to be working with and helping out my family.

But instead, I hate it.  I count the minutes until I can leave.  The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I can quit.  Every minute of every day I remind myself that I'm not committed to doing this for a lifetime.  I'm not even committed to doing it for another week.  All I have to do is keep my head down and my mouth shut for the rest of the day, and then I can quit.  When it gets so bad I can't take it any more, I can just quit.  It's a luxury most people don't have.  Everyone else had bills to pay and mouths to feed.  I'm a spoiled kid from an entitled generation.

I get so nervous and scared every night before I go to sleep just thinking about going to work in the morning.  The night before my first day, I was literally shaking and tearing up.  I don't know why it terrifies me so much.  I'm so frightened that I'll never find a job that's the right fit for me.  I know this one isn't it.

I need to sleep now.  I'll probably lay in bed shaking and trying desperately to ward of my thoughts, but I need to just fall the fuck asleep.

I don't know what to do.

Anyone wanna give me a job?