Sunday, 19 May 2013
Holy shit, there's a move called "Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Undead"... I know what I'm doing for the next 85 minutes. This is going to be terrible.
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
Work is getting better. I mean, it still sucks and I still hate it, but I've been having less anxiety about it. I don't stay up all night shaking just thinking about it.
Monday, 06 May 2013
On the rare occasions that I have something important to write, I don't have time to write it. And so it is today. I finally starting working, so I have less time to waste on the internet. It sucks, of course. I suppose that's why they call it "working" and not "spending all day masturbating, watching sportscenter, and wasting time looking at funny pictures on the internet."
I feel bad about hating my job. I've been so long without a real job that I should be happy for any opportunity I get. And there are plenty of people willing to sneak into our country to worse jobs the mine. I should realize that I can't make an informed judgement after a few days. I should be happy to be working with and helping out my family.
But instead, I hate it. I count the minutes until I can leave. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I can quit. Every minute of every day I remind myself that I'm not committed to doing this for a lifetime. I'm not even committed to doing it for another week. All I have to do is keep my head down and my mouth shut for the rest of the day, and then I can quit. When it gets so bad I can't take it any more, I can just quit. It's a luxury most people don't have. Everyone else had bills to pay and mouths to feed. I'm a spoiled kid from an entitled generation.
I get so nervous and scared every night before I go to sleep just thinking about going to work in the morning. The night before my first day, I was literally shaking and tearing up. I don't know why it terrifies me so much. I'm so frightened that I'll never find a job that's the right fit for me. I know this one isn't it.
I need to sleep now. I'll probably lay in bed shaking and trying desperately to ward of my thoughts, but I need to just fall the fuck asleep.
I don't know what to do.
Monday, 29 April 2013
I wish I could just fuck whoever I want. But I can't because I have a gf. And fucking high schoolers is frowned upon.
Wednesday, 24 April 2013
Anyone wanna give me a job?